An Open Letter to Laura Mercier

pleaseDear Laura,

I'm desperate. For many years I have searched for the perfect highlighter/illuminator that would give my skin a subtle glow akin to the skin of celebrities on the red carpet. For many years, I failed.

Finally, I found it: your Face Illuminator, widely hailed as the greatest product to hit the beauty market since your revolutionary tinted moisturizer. My heartbeat quickened as I read the reviews online: "life changing", "the best beauty product I've ever purchased", "great for all skin types, especially pale skin", "makes you look prettier than you ever imagined". I readied myself for finally reaching the holy grail of shimmer, and I rehearsed what I would say when I got millions of compliments about my makeup. "Oh yeah, it's no big deal, just this sick Laura Mercier illuminator. I know, so pretty, right? You should totally buy it." #shitgirlssay

What a fool I was. Anything that cool is clearly sold out everywhere, and anyone who hasn't already bought it is clearly a huge loser. I checked your own site, Blue Mercury, Sephora, Nordstrom, Saks, Neiman's, Bergdorf's, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, the list goes on. I Googled it to death and even went four pages into a Google search trying to find it. I made phone calls to every local retailer to see if one lonely compact magically still lingered on the shelf. Not one face illuminator exists anywhere along the Eastern seaboard.

Just as quickly as they were created, my dreams were shattered, and a deep, dark devastation settled over HCG. My mood grew so despondent I even resorted to searching for this product on eBay and, as much as I love getting limited edition things that others cannot find, I just can't stomach dropping $150 on a $42 face illuminator (to the person selling this on eBay - F you). Plus, my recent successes with after-Christmas sales have placed certain restrictions on my discretionary spending budget. That Neiman's sale gets me every year.

Do I blame myself for not knowing of this product earlier when it was released in the fall? Of course I do. But I don't think I deserve to be tortured in this fashion. I became so crazed for your face illuminator that I seriously debated stealing the used sample I saw at Sephora this weekend until Joe convinced me (1) I would get arrested and (2) stealing a sample is dirty even if you scrape off the top layer. I should've done it when he wasn't looking.

Please release more of this product. I beg you. I've learned that certain LM retailers have received additional shipments of other recently released limited edition products, but no face illuminators were ever provided. WHY GOD MUST YOU TORTURE ME? Are my weird undetectable skin/food allergies not enough?

I will not rest until I obtain this product.

xo, HCG

P.S. I think you're awesome.